Do not be afraid to live your dreams

Comments

13 responses to “Do not be afraid to live your dreams”

1. Sam

   I like what you said about living your dream, I do have dreams and sometimes get tire of trying to bring them into reality. Two years ago I was laid off a job I had for 20 years, as a construction service manager. Now I am doing home improvement work as a business, money is not coming in that great, however I am making it. Facing foreclosure, my dream is to be a general contractor employing hundreds of people providing great wages to them. Also would love to share self-help quotes as a motivating speaker/ This is something I love to do.
   My marriage is not that great also, we just tolerate each other in a respectable way, have 7 children which 5 are on there own. I am not giving up on my dreams just needed to vent thanks for being there.
   Sam

   Reply
   1. Mark Biernat

      You have an interesting life. I know many people who would trade all the money in the world to have 7 kids. I know people who have never been married and can not find a partner. I do not know if you live in the USA or not, but if you do I see people who their only dream is to live in the USA.
      You have owned a house. Myself and many of my friends have not ever done this. You are a home owner. If you lose it you will be renting like 40% of the other people. I know it is not fun but it is not the end of the world.
      So I 100% understand how hard you have it and can not imagine what it is like. Yet on the other hand if you step back and see how many blessing you have, like in the Jimmy Steward movie “It’s a Wonderful life’, you have a bit of a dream life.

      Watch the movie if you have not in a while or even ‘Overboard’ with Goldie Hawn.

      I living in Eastern Europe see hardship everywhere. Many people do not have running water and live very hard lives. Yet they are happy and living their dreams.
      So my only ideas is try not to define your dream so much by anything monetary like a house or job or payments or income. I know it is easy for me to say, but on the other hand I live in Eastern Europe and a poor person in the USA is a rich person in parts here. So wealth is relative and temporary.
      I am very sorry you have gone through this. Really I am. I am not taking anything away from your hardship, rather just trying to cheer you up.
      Also with love and marriage, I think that if you find the reason you came together you can find a way back. And the weeds that have developed in your relationship can be uprooted with acceptance.

      If you want to improve yourself economically there are many way. That is actually the easy part. See the only reason you or I do not have a million dollars in the bank is ignorance. If we had perfect information we could make a million in a month. Therefore, the task for both me and you is not give up. Use our God-given creativity and brains to find a way.
      It can be done. I am on a reasonable economic path and self sufficient but I am not a millionaire, yet.
      I think if you want to live you monetary dream, just do not give up and commit yourself to keep trying and learning on why and how people get rich.

      Reply
2. Derrick Martin

   I am so glad that I read this. Right now, I find myself struggling to live out my dreams. I am in the process of becoming a trainer with the Center for Teacher Effectiveness. My mother thinks its a bad idea because it is a 1099 contracting job instead of a W2 job. Personally, I want to work the job because it will allow me to live out my dreams to travel and meet new people, along with make a difference in education. I have to learn how to follow my true passion and take control of my life. I had a classmate tell me a while ago that you only live once, and he is right. I don’t want to waste my time in this life doing things that aren’t fulfilling to me.

   Reply
   1. Mark Biernat

      1099 means nothing. W2 means nothing. My friends and I make a lot of money being 1099. Billing 100/hour depending on the consulting job. One of my friend made $250,000 a year doing accounting consulting on 1099. The company he consulted for basically went bankrupt as it was in such a mess, but there were an army of 1099 people making a lot.

      W2 is OK I guess, I have a W2 job now but might asked to go 1099 at a better rate as I am working so much unpaid overtime and no super benefits.

      I know it is not the point. I am just saying, my friends that are more free spirited make more money then the guys I know out there swinging in corporate America. Maybe it is the friends I hang with but with imagination and creativity you will go far in life. An office job will dampen your imagination slowly. Take it from someone who was in the trenches too long. Your circuits go though the same patterns and nothing imaginative comes from it, except process improvement ideas in corporate America, but that never really put substantial money in my pocket or made me happy.

      You want to live, follow your dream. I met my wife in Europe while I was following my dream to learn Polish. I would not be happy with anyone else. I can not imagine how dark my life would be without her if we did not met. I am so happy I followed my dream. I feel great about my life.

      I was thinking the other day, if I just worked in a bookstore and took it easy in life (I use to work in a bookstore) I would be in better health if I spend countless years in corporate America doing something that was against the grain of my psyche. I have a bad back from working too hard and sitting in chairs for 13 hours a day hunched over a computer. Better if I followed my dream earlier and would have been healthier.

      My friends that followed their dreams are rich entrepreneurs today. Owning businesses they love, from cookie shops to writers to teachers and travelers. Universally I none of them are in poverty but conversely well to do. Sure they had hard times and were down for years but in the end it was all part of the journey.

      Read this for example from an investment guru. money.ca.msn.com/investing/jon-markman/storyviewer.aspx?cp-documentid=22659979

      Life is short a it really is a spiritual journey. Like my Dad told me there are no wrong, choices, everything you choose is a learning experience.

      Further, the greatest way you can honor your parents is live an authentic life. They will always challenge you and most of the time give you good wisdom and advice but other times you need to know when to live you own life. I often did things and only told my parents when I came back. Like when I returned from North Africa or Russia traveling. They wondered why they did not hear from me and said in retrospect they are glad I told them after the fact.

      Look worst case your a native speaker in English and can always teach English anywhere in the world. That does not sound too worst case to me.

      Reply
3. daebie

   I would be glad if you could give me some advice.
   I’m a college student, and I’ve transferred schools twice. At first, I had everything I want. I was studying in the university that I have dreamed of, I love the people and the environment, but my parents wanted me to transfer school. So I did. Because I keep on thinking that maybe they are making the right decisions for me. I’m really scared of taking chances.

   I’m not happy with my current school. It makes me want to go home already, I don’t have the motivation to go to school anymore, and even do my homework. I always get the feeling that I’m missing out on something. So I’ve decided to transfer to another school. Well, I really like this school a lot but I’m afraid that I might make the wrong decision again. And maybe I won’t have friends in that school. All I know is that I want to get away from where I am right now because I feel like I’m wasting my life.

   Reply
   1. Mark Biernat

      I do not have enough information about what you are going to study or why you transfer schools or your parents rationale. However, in a general sense, there is 0.00% chance you will mess up or waste your life at such a young age. The choices you make now are for you. Not for your parents or future employers. You should go to school, and the school you like for the ‘college experience’. Part of that is connecting with people, feeling awkward and finding your own self identity. Once you have some sense of self identity you can muddle through the painful awkward experience of socialization and making friends. Me, I am painfully shy and somehow I eventually made friends. It all takes time.

      From an academic stand point, unless you are going to do a specific trade like an electrician or hairdresser, I would major in some liberal arts study that you love and would make you happy. School is about expanding your mind and building confidence in who you are, and again not preparing yourself to be a well oiled well trained machine for a future employer who knows everything when you come out.

      You do not want to go to school to be a good little cog or wheel in the big employment machine. What you want and can get from almost any good school or major is the ability to think critically. The ability to see things objectively and have a broad base of knowledge, even if at the time the course seems useless.

      I remember the subjects I thought would be useless, like philosophy and sociology and psychology are things I think about on a regular basis and provided a conceptual framework for thinking even today. In contrast and in retrospect, I took accounting and thought it was totally useless, even though most of my career I have been an accountant. I mean the stuff I learned in class I did not use as software does most of it. Similarly I studies computer science but by the time I got in the workplace the programming languages evolved and what I learned was not that important. More on the job training.

      So I Ironically the courses I thought would be useless I use a lot. And all the ‘practical courses’ my parents though would be good were of little value. That was just my experience. So do not be afraid to go for what you love. When you study what you love you will make friends in those courses, but it takes time.

      I can not imagine anyone being a failure in school, even if they fail out, because everything in life in a learning experience. Just try to keep a good spirit about yourself, read the Bible call your parents, do the things that provide you support until you can find some stable ground and let time pass.

      I wish I was in college again.

      Study what you love. If you love philosophy, go for it, or art, you can always have a blog and write books. I think specialization comes either from graduate school or work experience. College is about the experience. And in that context there are really no wrong decisions. Let me know if this helps.

      Reply
4. lia wise

   Hello,
   I’m really glad I found this article. I found it while googling ” definition of a person who is afraid to live”. I’m 25 and I have this constant fear of making a mistake and fear that it will all fall apart. So I don’t try and deep down I believe I have a lot of potential but I always wind up thinking that the odds are stacked against me. This is in job , dating, friendships. It was very encouraging to just read that all we have to do is choose. To really face that fear and to believe that there is no wring decisions just learning experiences. Thanks!

   Reply
   1. Mark Biernat

      At 25 everyone feels like this and those who do not are not aware. I was reading existential philosophy and questioning everything and the meaning of everything. Jacob Bronowski’s book and series (it is on Youtube) The Ascent of Man is largely about ‘the long childhood’ of Mankind. The wider the base the higher the pyramid in development. Read about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

      If you feel angst about life it is because you are self aware, sensitive and human. Your life will come together more and more I promise. I think when you get married that will be the big thing. Until I met my wife I felt this way, lets see I was married at 45.

      Odds are always against us, but somehow we prevail. Better than psychology is read inspirational quotes and philosophy and about people who went through hard times that you can relate to. Books are distilled wisdom. It is always good to have a stack of them by your bedside.

      Reply
5. Little Zero

   Mark – are you still there? If so, here comes my situation.

   Very soon I’ll be a 40-year-old, single, still living with my parents, CPA with a $200K+ mortgage on the east coast, USA.

   I have no illusion about public or private accounting (audit, tax, basically compliance work with endless checklist to fill in), and I don’t envy my bosses’ living (one died of cancer; others are over-weighted or losing hairs) except that they’ve found their career/place to settle.

   I feel out of place but stuck in a pit of hopelessness. I fantasize about “getting to where the money is” – but high finance positions always have younger, smarter & prettier people with Ivy League MBA/CFA/you-know-what credentials to fill in – I’m too old.

   The long commute (3.5 hours both way each day) is not helping. I need consistent income, actually, consistently increasing cash flow because my expenses will surely go UP as I grow older (thanks to the ACA and age discrimination). When I came home, I am already too tired to think, read some blogs, watch a couple youtube videos, and boom, it’s already mid-night – another cycle. I want to make big Money, live independently from my parents, and stop doing maintenance work/chores of this suburban living (yet too broke to hire others). Is there some kind of learn/work program/opportunities out there that allow me to focus on making money and training my body (fitness)? I’m not a social person (being a rain-maker/salesman is out of question); and I’m not big on recognition/fame – I just want a bigger rewards in terms of income. If I can make Tons of money without anyone knowing about it/talking with anyone – all the better. I’m pretty done with accounting – is there a way or job position that allows me to move on to something more financially rewarding? I need growth & potential of increasing income – accounting cannot cut it – more money equalsmore stress in this field. Your advice &; insight about the investment business field are greatly appreciated. Many thanks in advance.

   Reply
   1. Mark Biernat

      I do not have enough information. Why are you living with your parents and have cashflow worries?
      What if you sold your home and moved somewhere and lived cheap? You can rent a place in some cities like Winston-Salem for 500 dollars a month. You can buy a home in Maine for under 10k. My taxes, mortgage and insurance are 1,350 for a nice house near the beach. You can build a cordwood homes. Get the book Mortgage Free by Rob Roy, read it as your Bible in the evening.

      If you want the big money you need to be radical, even if you go broke, I do not mean gamble, I mean change your life. Learn to program apps and crowdsource the idea. Grow food on your own and sell it like the Urban Farmer (check out his books).

      I also consult and make many times more than if I was an accountant.

      Teach English aboard and take time off to figure out your life, that is what I did at 40 and I am 53 and feel great and living the dream.

      Study something, sell something but being an accountant with bills and not married, wow you need a change. Be radical in your thinking and ask God to help you.

      I sell real estate in Florida and that is not bad either. This is a cheap low tax free state with little cold.

      Why not get married it is the best thing I ever did. Can you tell me what is preventing you from being thrilled with your life?

      Reply
      1. LJones

         Hi Mark,

         About a little over a year ago I lost my job. I have been building a side business that I have always been passionate about for the past 10 years (inbetween those 10 years I have taken breaks and hiatuses and moved to my dream city). When I first lost my job I saw it as a blessing as I could now work on my true passion business which part of it involves making a difference on this planet, being eco conscious and rescuing animals but the business it’s self is skincare. My husband has been helping me push myself more and I really need him as he is an analytical thinker and I am more creative. However, since I lost my job my expenses have now overpowered my income and I do live a very modest life. Between 4am and 6am I wake up with sudden panic attacks that make me unable to go back to sleep (hence how I came across your blog). Between rent, groceries, life payments and investing in my business I see my savings dropping at a rapid rate and I worry that I’ll end up homeless or sick and not have any money as I’m digging myself a rut. I do have a life I am very grateful for, but think I wouldn’t be as stressed if my business was bringing in enough income for me to prosper financially or at least stay afloat. My husband tells me not to worry because we will figure it out but I’m the one paying the bills every month. Anyway thanks for taking your time to read this, and hopefully I’ll get the closure I need to help me prosper more rapidly.

         Reply
         1. Mark Biernat

            First do not feel stressed about anything. I know that sounds cliche but it is true. I live by the beach and go there often and when I am there, what is there to worry about. There is too much emphasis on money and career connected to living your dream.

            Second, too much computer and phone time can make people stressed. When I am in front of the computer too much I get jittery.

            I do not have enough information about bills and money. I mean I have a family and we often live for under 2,000 a month, with a mortgage and travel and all. Are you living at that level? If so lets talk about bills. You can even contact me if you like from my contact page or write here.

            Reply
6. Linda B

   You have some great advice and although I have heard much of it before, it is great hearing it from your point of view. However, I do want to push back just a little. You tend to tell those of us living here in the United States we should be grateful just because we live here and we would be rich anywhere else. Well yes I am extremely grateful to be born here in the US in the last century into this one because it is truly already a blessing but also you must take the viewpoint that some things are relative.

   Yes, unless you are part of the rural poor or urban poor you most likely have living conditions that are better in many places but if you are part of one of those groups you may still have rather dreadful living conditions, especially as most things are looked at, in comparison to those around you, not those halfway around the world. There is nothing wrong with living in a 500 square foot apartment but what generally happens if you are poor is that at some point you r lights are off, your water is off but you have to get these paid back up because you can get kicked out for having them off. Or you have an apartment but there is mold and roaches and rats. Or someone who lives in a rural area has a house but they can’t keep it up when they are poorer and they have water that comes from a well but the well needs to be re-dug so their water is red from the dirt that seeps into the well. Or yes the poor here have free school but poor kids get bullied for not having clothes and there are other things that do have to be paid for and you can never keep up and the kids constantly feel less than, and that becomes generational.

   Even with all that yes, most still have it better than most others in the world but we can only live in our situation and still feel depressed or weary or defeated based on our present situation and it is not always helpful or motivating to imply “stop whining, you are one of the luckiest people on earth to be born in the USA” when you are not of the most blessed in the USA.

   Reply